This morning as my son and I was waiting for his school bus, we were having small talk. As his bus approached I sent him off. One memory struck my mind. It was a time I shared with my mother. My memories with her are embedded because there weren’t many. I was raised by my father. The association came from the love my son has and the Pureness in his soul. I remember my mom frantic. I asked her what was wrong? Could I help? She told me she was looking for money. I’m not sure if I asked her what for. I do remember digging in between the couches, under the couches, and anywhere else my 5 year old self could fit. All I found was pennies. She gave me this look of defeat and compassion and thanked me. It was not enough. I learned later in my adolescence, why we were searching.
To find out why and more look out for my memoir.
I am trapped
I gave my key away
Emotions are disarray
Almost seen better days
An eclipse took that away
I need to dig deep
I’m the only one who could help –
I need to make a key
And keep it beside me
No longer will I give it away
Like myself my heart is in a cage
And I’ve been rattling and banging
Flipping over with all my rage
I’m not sure what I should do
Next time it has to be fool proof
Your life is effected by those who you choose to have influence over it
His relationship with his mother will tell you what you can expect out of the relationship you two will have together.
And don’t ever try to come in between but join
I want people to know its alright to cry
It’s normal to feel
Of all the things that brought joy to your life
When you’re starting a new chapter in your life
It’s normal to be unsure of a lot
What’s not normal is holding inside
Caused by your thoughts
Or those sweet memories embedded
Is most of our fear
It will bring peace to your soul
No matter how hard it may hurt
You will learn everything you need to
You will no longer need to wonder
Or think of how your life could differ
Lets not fear the unknown
Lets meet the unknown
And move on or move forward
Go for it !
I have the New Bible App on my phone. Each day I share the verse of the day, it’s selected at random or maybe selected for you. Whatever the word is its for you and you embrace it. I catch public transportation and I read to my child to boost and encourage our day. Before we got off at our stop, a man said, Mother (no one ever used that to address me, so it was encouraging to myself) I love that you read the bible to your son. That is very powerful. Stay in that. I responded you got to, we need to know where love comes from.
I dropped my son off and went back to the bus stop awaiting my bus to head to work, god had this tree I was standing next to as I was talking to myself, (God records every word that you say) and he had leaves circle around me and I said thank you Lord. At that moment I came to my conviction .
I often resented or felt remorse that my son did not physically have a Father around. To show him how to be a Man. My husband who shared that role is currently away. All the time I battle how to teach my son to be a man without a man. All I knew was I’m going to raise him how I like to be treated as a woman. Show him ways like that.. But in that moment I realized that my son in fact does have a Father. He has the best Father of all, the Lord, King of all Kings, one who will never leave him, who will always be there, teach him right from wrong, and most importantly show him Love and how to live with Love. It’s beautiful. Not only did I encourage one person or maybe more, I encouraged myself through God. It hurts my soul, about these kids a generation after me. As well as adults before myself.I know that they are lacking love. So as long as I give my son something to stand firmly and believe in, someone who he can trust we will be blessed. We will be blessed. He knows who to turn to. And he’s very much into seeking his Lord his Father. He might not see him now but he will one day. And the best gift I could give to my son is love and for him to look forward to eternal life.
So I’m sharing only a fraction of my testimony not only to single mothers but every fatherless person. You do have a father. You just have to trust and believe in him and he will provide for you.
We must impart wisdom. It is the root of our behaviors.